You Who I Cradled In My Arms
by altenprano
Summary: A year after Charlie leaves with the Bryants, Ethel writes a letter to her son in hopes that he might one day know the story of his parents and the extent of his mother's love.


**A/N: So this idea has been nagging at me for a while now, and there isn't quite enough fanfic about Ethel and Charlie, so here's a little something. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own _Downton Abbey_. Never have, never will. **

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><p><em>My Dearest Charlie- <em>

_It's hardly been a year since I watched you leave with your Granmama and Granpa, and I know it will've been longer than that by the time you're able to read this. No doubt by then you will have grown into a handsome young man, just like your father was, and I couldn't wish you anything better. _

Ethel had to stop herself for a moment, her pencil hovering over the paper as she searched for the right words to continue with. She didn't know what'd possessed her to write a letter in the first place, let alone address it to Charlie, who would probably never read it, if Mr. Bryant had his way. She was lonely, perhaps, and thought writing a letter to her son would ease that pain. Was she going to post it? Probably not, because that implied she expected something to come of it.

_Your father and I met during the Great War, while he was convalescing at Downton Abbey, where I worked as a housemaid. I remember the first time I laid eyes on him, how handsome he was in his uniform, which gave him an air of command that rivaled the Earl of Grantham's. It was almost as if Prince Charming had left the pages of the storybooks of my childhood and was standing before me in the entry hall of the Abbey. He was kind, as well as intelligent and honorable, and there was no officer in his regiment who didn't have some kind of respect for him. I wish you could've known him, but the Great War claimed many lives, and your father was among them. _

_You were a little older than one year when I heard that your father had died, and I will admit to feeling sadness only because he didn't know about you, my love. Your father and I parted on bad terms- just unfortunate ones. He had to go off and fight in the war, and I had to raise you as best I could. _

Again, Ethel paused, waiting for the resurgence of unidentifiable emotions to pass before setting the pencil to paper once more.

There was no doubt that she was bitter towards Major Bryant after her repeated attempts to hold him accountable for her misfortune, or at least force him to take some amount of responsibility for what he'd done, but Charlie didn't need to know that. As much as she wanted to tell him the truth about his father, Ethel couldn't bring herself to ruin whatever stories Charlie knew.

_I know it wasn't fair to you, to give you to Mr. and Mrs. Bryant (Granpa and Granmama) instead of raising you myself, but I hope you understand that I wanted to give you the best chances in life, even if it meant you never knew your mother. I hope you don't think it was easy for me; I think about you every day, my love, and every night before bed, you are the first person in my prayers. It saddens me that I'll never get to watch you grow into a young man- in my mind you will always be the little boy who kissed his mother goodbye that September afternoon that perhaps only I will remember in the years to come. Don't think I didn't love you, because I did, enough to give you away in hopes that you could be whatever you wanted to be, and in the world after the war, God knows what that entails. _

_You will always be my darling boy, my sweet, beautiful little Charlie, and I don't regret anything I've ever done for you, even if most would suggest otherwise. I did what I had to so I could ensure your future, and now, the world is yours for the taking. _

Tears were pooling in the corner of Ethel's eyes as she neared the end of her letter, and she found herself pausing a third time so she could wipe them away. It wouldn't do for Charlie to know that his mother had cried herself dry writing a letter to him, it simply wouldn't do. She had to be strong, for his sake, if not his own. She'd made her choice, and she had to stick by it, for Charlie's sake.

_I love you with all my heart, from now until forever, _

_Ethel Parks _

"No," she muttered, scratching out her name and fixing it so it read:

_I love you with all my heart, from now until forever,_

_Ethel Parks_

_Your Mother_

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><p><strong>AN: As usual, reviews are appreciated, and thank you for your readership. It is greatly valued. **

**Thank you! **


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